Sometimes You Just Gotta Get Off It

Have you ever gotten a whirlwind of negative thoughts about something important to you? Yeah, me too. What's even more disheartening is when you know you're doing it and you can't get your mind in a good place about the topic.

You start trying every trick you know to think positive about the subject. For example, if you're stressed out about getting clients, you may say to yourself, "Don't worry. The money will come. I'm a millionaire. I appreciate money."

Nothing happens. You're still stressed about money.

Next you watch a Byron Katie or Michael Beckwith video about money. That doesn't help either.

In coaching lingo, we call this process "being hooked." It's like having a hook through your mouth and being reeled into more negative thoughts. I experience this feeling as temporary insanity. I pray, "Can someone just take my brain away from me so I can relax for a moment?!"

You're so emotionally charged about the topic, there is only one thing left to do. Get off it! The topic, that is. Stop trying to get to the positive feelings until you feel better in general.

This requires a whole switch in your focus. In these moments, I usually go for something that will capture my attention fully. For instance, a walk would give me more time to think... and that can be dangerous.

What works better for me is to go answer some emails, watch Netflix, listen to an Abraham-Hicks CD, make an entry in my appreciation journal, or go shopping. You have to go for full-on distraction. This will create a softer focus on the topic you were scaring yourself about.

I like to remind myself that everything always works out, and this, too, shall pass. By the way, it is sooooooo okay that you got tripped up... or should I say "tripped out"? Happens to all of us. I consider myself a conscious thinker, and I can go down the emotional sewer as fast as the best of them!

When you soften your focus on a highly charged subject, you can actually open to receive the solution... or inspiration will hit with the perfect action to take. This is better known as the "allowing" mode. You have to create some breathing room for the Universe to do what it does best.

Things will always work out in the end. So just get off it and enjoy!

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How Action Reduces Fear

Action reduces fear, so act.

Truth be told, this neat little quote isn't my own. It's one that I came upon while reading a summary of David Schwartz' classic "The Magic of Thinking Big". But it stuck with me.

For someone plagued by low confidence and self-esteem, the idea that action reduces fear could very well seem counter-intuitive. Because often, it's when we need to take action on something - especially something important - that fear arises.

There's the fear that we'll mess something up, and that, as a result, people will judge us and ridicule us. But there's also the fear that we might successfully carry through with our endeavor and advance to a higher level. - We'd have expectations coming at us from all sides! And responsibilities!

Whether it's one or both, or some other fear, fear associated with taking action is definitely real. So, why would anyone claim that action reduces fear?

To find the answer, take a moment to think about another topic that seems to cause non-fidents a lot of pain: Over-thinking.

We've all been there. Stuck with a seemingly unsolvable choice, entirely unable to weigh out the pros and cons. Or, having done just that, unable to make a decision because either option seems just as good - or bad - as the other.

No-one's exactly a fan, that's for sure. But still, as it is said in the personal coaching world, there's always a pay-off.

You see, over-thinking is, deep down, a defense mechanism. When we over-think something, it's because of exactly those aforementioned fears.

No-one likes over-thinking. But it still feels way less uncomfortable than having to make a tough decision or do something that makes you feel exposed and put on the line.

Over-thinking, then, is the antithesis to the action that it prevents. The two cannot co-exist. It's either one, or the other.

Sometimes, the over-thinking wins, and we end up doing nothing at all. That's when we really give in to our doubts and fears.

And so, it's when we stop thinking and just do it that action reduces fear.

Action reduces fear, because when we act, we only do it because we've sufficiently silenced that fearsome part of our brains telling us to abort and run away. Like I said, the two cannot co-exist.

"But doesn't that mean that I'd have to compromise my thinking if I want to get things done? What if I, like, really treasure my thinking?"

Sounds like a defense mechanism to me.

No, seriously, it does. But I DO get where you're coming from. I was there.

The thing is, thinking isn't necessarily good for us altogether. Thinking isn't a means to an end. We have more thoughts every day than can be measured, and that's not exactly beneficial.

On the contrary, many a study have been done on how meditation helps us by training us to simply observe our thoughts and stay focused on the ones that matter, rather than blowing the insignificant ones out of proportion.*

Also, after we've done whatever frightening actions we're doing, we can evaluate ourselves and get better at it the next time. And, of course, we want to start out by taking babysteps. This goes for whatever we're doing. Some people even get help from a confidence coach. (Something I obviously highly recommend doing.)

Bottom line: If you're feeling anxious about doing something, it probably means it's important, and you should do it. And really, there are lots of ways to go about your challenges safely and securely. But only the action reduces fear. And, as another quote from the initially mentioned summary goes: Nothing happens just by thinking.

Yes, it's scary. Do it anyway.

* Source: http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/mindfulness-meditation-may-ease-anxiety-mental-stress-201401086967

As a confidence coach, Andy Kay helps people who are held back -- by fear, overwhelm, anxiety, indecisiveness, anything. After years studying confident, successful people, he knows what works and what doesn't. He doesn't tolerate "spiritual" BS about "higher powers" and "purposes". -- We have access to all the power we need to achieve our own purposes; period. Visit https://www.getconfidencecoaching.com and get confidence and empowerment for free!

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