Thursday, 28 November 2019
Optimism and Thoughtlessness Are Not Synonyms
Ask people what optimism means and you will get a complete array of answers. From the 'glass half full' to 'seeing life through rose-tinted glasses,' or 'hopefulness about the future.' Optimism is one of those abstract and hard-to-define words that everybody thinks they understand. But what does it really mean?
These last few years, optimism has become a field of growing interest among experts, scientists and professionals. Authors like Professor Seligman and his 'relearned optimism' or the many studies proving the relationship between optimism and better health (like those by Julia Boehm and Laura Kubzansky, for example) indicate the level of interest there is for this topic. Many attempts have been made to clearly define this concept, but still different cultures and different fields of study explain it somehow differently, as culture also shapes the way in which the term is understood and interpreted.
Human beings are born optimists
When babies are born, they are always optimists. They expect the world to feed and care for them and for years wake up in the mornings believing that the new day will bring them happiness, adventure and fun. They face each moment like there is no other and enjoy it completely. A child plays and there's nothing else in the world but that game. The child will play the same game many times, and will not give up on it but persevere in the fun without questioning what comes next. Unless something deeply negative happens to alter that worldview, children remain deeply optimistic for quite a few of their first years, until their adults begin to chastise them for it and demand that they 'be more realistic,' or 'get their heads out of the clouds.'
Those same human beings then gradually start losing part of their optimism as life throws hurdles and problems at them and others recommend a less hopeful view on reality. They will start believing what others tell them and adapting their beliefs to their environment. Little by little, their natural optimism will dwindle and be replaced by a more somber worldview.
Lower levels of optimism result in poorer health and shorter life spans
Many of the studies carried out around the world have consistently proven that optimists live longer, happier and more rewarding lives. They've also been proven to be more resourceful and creative. There is an easy explanation to those results.
When pessimists face obstacles, they already believe that chances are they will fail, that things always go wrong, that they will not succeed. By the time they actually need to make the effort, they are so convinced of their failure that a) their effort is not absolute and b) they subconsciously sabotage themselves. As soon as they fail, then, they immediately tell themselves something like, 'see, I knew it was impossible.' That new failure thus reaffirms them once more.
Optimists, on the other hand, face obstacles believing that there always is a way to overcome them. They try to solve the situation one way. They might fail but that doesn't discourage them. They try another method and then another until they finally manage to overcome the problem and find a solution. They study their obstacles and ponder the different approaches to solving them. In their mind, there is no room for failure because they 'know' that they will succeed. Optimists never give up because they are convinced that there always is a way. By never giving up, then, optimists become more and more creative and start accumulating a great range of resources that make it easier to succeed at each attempt. That faith thus, results in them doing much more than pessimists and logically getting better results at the end.
All human beings are found somewhere between the two ends of this optimism-pessimism spectrum. Realism is just a way of describing those who are more in the middle of it. Realists, thus, have less resources than optimists but also fail less than pessimists.
Optimism is not thoughtlessness
Optimism, as just shown, is not just a matter of hope and expectations, but the conviction that good things will happen through a constant search for solutions. The true optimist is a hard-working, resourceful person who devotes a lot of energy and effort to reaching whatever goals are to be reached. A thoughtless person is not a true optimist because pursuing a goal without a plan barely ever leads to reaching it and optimists never give up. If one of the attempts to reach a goal is somehow thoughtless, it will likely fail, in which case the true optimist will think it over and formulate a new alternative, thus becoming the opposite of thoughtless. Thoughtlessness and optimism are therefore mutually exclusive in the longer run.
Optimism yields better results
As a result of the optimist's natural faith and hard-working habits, optimists become much better assets for companies and in general life. They push and drive, inspire and persevere. By not giving up, optimists become natural leaders and motivators.
Optimists rarely suffer from stress or burnout, either, as they don't worry but act. Stress and burnout stem from worry, from rumination and from fear, three attitudes that optimists naturally avoid by their own lookout on life. Consequently, optimists are less often sick or tense and end up developing a greater capacity to concentrate and focus on the task at hand.
Optimism can be recovered and relearned
As human beings grow up and live, society tries to instil a more sober view of life onto them as children and young people, thus slowly draining optimism from them. Without optimism, energy is low, motivation scarce and drive non-existent. That lack of optimism results in extreme personal and professional costs for families, companies and society as a whole. Fortunately, optimism can be relearned and developed. Like everything else in life, there isn't one formula-fits-all method for every human being. Optimism can be killed many different ways, and should therefore be reacquired by applying the right tools and methods, adapted to each person's needs and personal learning strategies.
Underlying subconscious beliefs can lead certain people to adopting a more pessimistic attitude in life. Fear is another trigger, as are pain, guilt or worry. A lot of professionals offer specific stress and burnout solutions to clients and patients but neglect to tackle the underlying problems that caused the original drain of energy and optimism. Only by solving and changing those will the human being truly recover that natural optimism that we are all born with.
If you wish to recover your drive, your motivation, your energy or if you want to help your team or your family to do the same, remember that each human being might have different reasons to feel the way they do and that specific tools and methods might be needed for each of them. Ask the professional you work with to present you with a detailed, personal plan for each person. If they fail to do that, look for a professional who does. Human beings are not robots and their complexity sometimes requires complex solutions. Those exist and can be used, believe me.
Enjoy life... ALL of it,
Article Source:
https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Jessica_J_Lockhart/2431530
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Wednesday, 27 November 2019
Dr. Romance on How to Stretch Time
Dr. Romance writes:
Would you like to stretch time - to make the time you have go farther, and use it more for what you really want to do? Stretching time is not difficult if you have the prerequisites: self-awareness, a sense of purpose, thoughtful action, and a playful approach.
Self- Awareness:
As with all successful life skills, time stretching works better if you know yourself well. When you are aware of your priorities - for example, where do work, relationship, family and fun fall on "What's most important" list? Are you spending the most time on what is most important?
You will be more effective and less stressed if you learn to take charge of your personal and family time. Families need to sit down together and decide what activities are really worth doing, and what is just a "rat race." Learning to avoid "time sinks"(such as unnecessary e-mail, TV or people who talk too much on the phone) is crucial, because certain people and activities can absorb a lot of time and not be worth it. Becoming "time aware" is the best way to achieve balance.
If you're a parent, you need time off, too. This can be achieved through allowing children over seven to spend occasional nights at friends' homes, and then reciprocating. This allows both sets of parents a chance to be alone, to go out, to have a break. "Family networks" in which several families (related or not) share time, driving, trade of babysitting, etc. can really expand the amount of time off that each family enjoys.
The key is achieving balance between work/play, self/others, giving/receiving and time off/financial security. Achieving balance between work and the rest of your life is the key to avoiding burnout. You'll be much better at doing this if you are self-aware, think through your options, schedule in personal as well as work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sense of Purpose:
As you become more aware of your priorities, you may also discover a sense of purpose. Or, perhaps you already know what your sense of purpose is. However you arrive at it (and I've given instructions in both The Real 13th Step and It Ends With You, if you want more info) knowing what you want to do with your life saves amazing amounts of time. Once you know your purpose, many decisions are made in advance - it becomes a process of deciding which moves will bring you closer to your purpose, which won't, and that saves the time wasted in experimenting, waffling and being undecided.
Learning to be patient and remain calm also stretches time and relieves stress. Cultivating patience is really learning impulse control: Learn how to do "emotional maintenance" and shake off stress; How to quit when something is getting to you. It's an issue in self-control. To acquire patience, you must stop the impulse to quit, change your thinking/attitude, call a friend to get encouragement. People who do need to learn patience don't know how to tell they're being impulsive, or how to stop. They often have a sense of entitlement ("I just didn't want to wait" -- said with some pride) and a lack of emotional maturity. They're actually like emotional three-year-olds in adult bodies. To learn the necessary patience and determination to reach long-term goals, practice on small things first, and learn how to sort through what is worth exercising patience, and what is not.
For example, there are situations and people you have to work a little bit more to understand what they mean, to not take what they say the wrong way, or use a little more patience around them, because their personalities or styles are quite different from yours.
Perhaps you have run into people who test your patience at work, with friends, or among extended family. Sometimes people are difficult to handle because they remind us of other people we had problems with in the past, so we're attracted and frustrated at the same time. Others can be difficult for many people around them. Problems with a familiar type of person may not emerge until you're already bonded and involved as friends or partners.
The following exercise will help you step back and look at others as a source of information about yourself, view people from a different angle and use the very people who upset you as a reflection of the internal dynamics behind your struggles.
To let go of small things:
1: Perspective -- put them in perspective -- will it be important an hour from now -- fifteen minutes from now? Most of them won't be.
2. Self-understanding: If someone or something upsets you, don't exacerbate the problem by getting on your own case for reacting. Reactions are normal -- it's what we do with them that counts.
3: Rise above: If someone frightened you (a driver who cut you off) then give a little prayer of thanks that you survived, bless the other driver (who probably needs it) and you'll feel better.
4. Benefit of the doubt: If someone hurt your feelings, acknowledge that your feelings are hurt, then consider that the other person is probably more clumsy than intentionally hurtful. The world is full of emotional klutzes who don't realize the impact of their words and actions, and they create more problems for themselves than for you.
5. Consider the source: A neighbor or associate who is truly nasty may repeatedly hurt your feelings. Consider what must be going on inside that person's head, and be grateful that you're not hearing that. Even the meanest people are far nastier to themselves than they are to others. That person is trying to relieve his or her pain by inflicting some on you.
Thoughtful Action:
Acting thoughtfully rather than impulsively means that your actions are effective, and therefore more time saving.
Because time is valuable, learn to budget it the way you budget your money. In counseling my clients, I have found that putting yourself on a "time diet" works wonders. Be wary of "time sinks" -- TV, computers, e-mail, etc. and phone conversations with people who talk a lot to no purpose. Learn to say "no" to non-essential time wasters, so you can spend more time doing those things important to you. Knowing how to balance and to prioritize, cooperate and schedule your time so that everything will have a place is the key. Individuals and couples need to prioritize, cooperate and schedule their time so that everything will have a place. Becoming "time aware" is the best way to achieve balance. Achieving balance between work and the rest of your life is the key to avoiding burnout. You'll be much better at doing this if you are self-aware, think through your options, schedule in personal as well as work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sometimes, having duplicate tools and supplies saves time -- for example, having scissors, makeup, nail files, etc in several places in the house, so they're where you need them when you want them, or if you travel a lot, as I do, having your travel kit permanently available, with items you need, and keep it only for travel. I have a separate 'kit' for several activities: one for the gym, one for the pool, one for my music lessons, one for church choir. When I come home from a trip or a workout, I replenish the kit so it's ready for the next time. For example, when I come home from the pool, I take out the wet towels, put in dry ones - and I'm ready to go next time.
Playful Approach:
A playful approach may not specifically stretch time, but it does make you feel that the time spent is worth it. One way to enjoy the time you have, and feel more satisfied, is to remember that life is not supposed to be all seriousness -- to really feel that life is worth living, we all need to have some fun. Yes, fun. You remember fun! Pleasure, humor, leisure activities, and silliness are ways we recharge, renew our energy, restore our hope and positive outlook, and connect with others.
Fun does not depend on spending money or going to extremes. It does not depend on a particular setting, companion, or activity, and it doesn't have to take a lot of time.. Having fun is an internal process. You can have fun sitting still and thinking about interesting or enjoyable things, or working in your garden, petting the cat, talking quietly with one friend, or playing cards with a few. Singing, dancing, playing a sport and drawing a picture are fun pastimes for some people. If you're like me, playing with your brain is fun. Fun creates a deep internal connection, too. Through play we re-connect with our hearts, our childlike selves, and the intuitive, spontaneous part of our psyches.
For many people today (due, in part, no doubt, to the images of pleasure seen in the media), the definition of fun has been distorted. Some ideas of what is fun are connected with excess, such as having a couple of drinks or engaging in "extreme" sports. Some people think that to have fun, they must spend a lot of money traveling or dining out. Others think that to have fun, they must be around the "right kind of people". Saddest of all are those who rely on others to "create" their fun.
Most of us think of fun as something we do on special occasions, something that requires a bit of advance planning. We have whole industries dedicated to helping us play it seems as though a new theme park opens every week. But when you look back on your most joyous life experiences, they are more likely to have been spontaneous and simple rather than elaborate and expensive. Play is recreation -- that is activity that "re-creates" us, causes us to see life differently and be refreshed by the change.
You do not have to separate play and fun from anything else you're doing. A lighthearted approach to serious matters often is the most productive one. Try laughter -- getting yourself a desk calendar with a new cartoon every day, sharing a joke you got via e-mail, telling a co-worker the cute thing your kid said (or listening to his story) or talking about the funny scene in the latest hit movie -- will lower your blood pressure, calm your pulse and generally help you release a lot of stress.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the "Dr. Romance" blog, and the "Happiness Tips from Tina" email newsletter.
Article Source:
https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Tina_Tessina/34086
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10138845
Tuesday, 26 November 2019
To Improve The Quality Of Your Life, Focus On Getting Better
Personal Growth Is A Long And Arduous Journey
Do you want to improve your life? Are you committed to changing your conditions? Many people will answer yes to these questions, though it is my experience very few people are dedicated to improve their life. This is because the work is difficult, unending and filled with setbacks and disappointments. It is often lined with unpleasant emotions and digging up the past to heal and transform our wounds. But there is no other way than doing the difficult work of attending to our personal growth. It cannot happen overnight nor in thirty days, as many books espouse because this is only skimming the surface.
Everything taking place in your life right now, whether unwanted or not, is the accumulation of your thoughts and beliefs. This is empowering for many reasons least of which means you have the power to change your future by redirecting your thoughts. How you feel about this? Does it make you unhappy that your life's conditions result from everything you've ever thought? Whilst I understand you might feel this way, you may also see the power to create new circumstances for your life from this point forward. As I alluded to earlier, personal growth is a long and arduous journey with many setbacks and detours. Those who embark on this journey give up because of the difficulties they face.
I liken it to the Navy Seals BUD/S program where only 20 to 30% of candidates will graduate. The training is extreme and purposefully designed to weed out those not equipped to become Navy Seals. In some respects, personal growth is the same if you're not willing to do the work to improve your life. We cannot expect to do little work on ourselves and be awarded the riches of life, it just doesn't work that way. Read any biography on those who reached the pinnacle of success and you will learn about the struggles they endured. I'm reminded of the quote by the former American football player and coach Lou Holtz who said: "Show me someone who has done something worthwhile, and I'll show you someone who has overcome adversity." He was affirming that adversity builds character and contributes to our growth and development.
What Happens When The Going Gets Tough?
Therefore, to improve the quality of your life, avoid focusing on results but aim to get better instead. The goal is to build on your success while noting areas of improvement. For example, I wrote an article recently where I observed two people talking throughout an entire workshop I attended. Years ago, I would have been angered by their lack of courtesy and let them know about it. Think of those who talk throughout an entire film and ruin it for everyone else. However, I sat with my emotions and noted where I experienced the anger in my body. In the next instance, something unexpected happened. I felt compassion for these two people. I was overcome with a sense of peace and harmony because behind the anger was the realisation that only love exists. To reach this loving and peaceful state, we must first experience the anger, yet many people are quick to act on their emotions which prevents them from reaching love, compassion and inner peace.
Is this beginning to make sense, in that getting better should be our focus instead of wishing our lives were different? Are you willing to do the work no matter what it takes? Obviously you are invested in your personal growth because you are reading this article and maybe even sharing it with family and friends. But what happens when the going gets tough and you hit a hurdle in your personal growth? How do you react? Who do you become? I have encountered many setbacks over the past decade, yet I have experienced enormous growth during these times. Life will present us with the experiences needed for our personal growth when we least expect it. We can embrace the lessons or resist them, however they will continue to show up in a different form until we accept what is taking place.
So for now, I'd like you to give some thought to the areas of your life you want to improve. Write down in your journal/diary or on a piece of paper what you would like to improve about your life. Is it your finances, health, love life, career? Be very specific about what you want. Don't focus on what you don't want in your journaling. Second, what is required to change your circumstances? You might think you need to hire a life coach or invest in an expensive course but sometimes it is simpler than that. It may be as simple as not complaining for the next thirty days. It might require investigating your beliefs and forming new ones. The point is: everything you need to change your life is right at your fingertips. As you move through your personal development, the next resource will be made available to you. Therefore, to improve the quality of your life, stop focusing on results and direct your attention to enhancing the life you're living now.
Do you want to lead a remarkable life? Are you committed to taking action despite your fears and doubts? If so, download your FREE copy of my eBook NAVIGATE LIFE right now, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!
Article Source:
https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Tony_Fahkry/837610
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10210930
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